A week after my 57th birthday I went to an introduction on Ayahuasca and wisdom plant ceremonies, and the presentation by Jacques left me feeling comfortable knowing that two weeks later I would be embarking on my own journey.\u00a0 Before the ceremonies we met Victor, the shaman from Peru and his wife Adriana, an anthropologist.\u00a0 The ritual requires abstinence from alcohol, meat and sex for 24 hours before the ceremony.\u00a0 I prepared by fasting for two days and drinking only water.<\/p>\n
It was around 40 degrees in the shade offered by a few trees when Monica and I arrived at Gecho Creek.\u00a0 Later, sitting outside our tent, looking out over some lilac silhouetted mountains as the sun began to set, I wrote in my journal as I reflected on how I had arrived at this point. The twelve people who were taking part were similarly pensive, each in their own thoughts and silent.<\/p>\n
Sitting here now thinking about the prospect of sipping from the cup <\/em>\u2013 in a couple of hours.\u00a0 I am apprehensive of course <\/em>\u2013 I know all will be heightened, my emotions intensified.\u00a0 I trust that my FEAR will remain suppressed <\/em>\u2013 that I will face it and come through it.\u00a0 Perhaps the most difficult time will be taking the cup to my lips.\u00a0 But after hearing last night of the Spirit of Ayahuasca, I feel as if I<\/em>\u2019m on the threshold of something important <\/em>\u00a0\u2013\u00a0 the plant kingdom, which I had taken for granted for so long <\/em>\u2013\u00a0 and now I had the possibility to connect, for re-union.\u00a0 Perhaps, if I put my intention into words, I believe I<\/em>\u2019m seeking a sense of union, communion,\u00a0 and this is the Unity consciousness which recent channels and activations have been leading us to better understand.\u00a0 I wish to translate this from the intellectual level to the level of my experience.<\/em><\/p>\n I also noted: \u2018there is a wolf here and I find myself a bit nervous of him \u2013 staring into his eyes is not allowed,\u00a0 and yet that\u2019s how I felt the \u2018oneness\u2019 \u2019 with the tortoise \u2026. there\u2019s so much I don\u2019t know \u2026\u2019 Returning to the night ahead of me, I wrote a prayer as follows:<\/p>\n May the Light of my Soul guide me this evening.\u00a0 May I be able to surrender to Divine will, which I believe has brought me to this point…\u00a0 Thy will, not my will. Of course, my ego has played its part, acting on the initiative.\u00a0 But the inner guidance has been clear. Looking out at this wondrous creation, at Gaia<\/em>\u2019s mountains with the wind building up in the trees\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013 I can only wonder at what got me here <\/em>\u2013 these past few months\u2026\u00a0 I will take a shower and freshen up and then sit quietly.\u00a0 We will have the moon still almost full, rising over our ceremony.\u00a0 I look up and see a single star above me.<\/em><\/p>\n I know the Will of God will not take me to where the Love of God cannot hold me.\u00a0 I graciously reflect your light oh God.\u00a0 I am Light.\u00a0 And tonight, I will take steps to meeting my Self – my authentic Self – May we recognise each other.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Blessings on this first Ceremony!\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Sitting in the sunset on the Saturday I realised it had taken me a full 24 hours to process, integrate and absorb my experience of the night before.\u00a0 What follows is taken directly from my journal, as I am writing these lines almost 7 years later, memories have blurred into partial memories of other experiences and I am no longer sure of precise details about … anything.\u00a0 The main elements, however, were recorded as follows.<\/p>\n \u00a0I believe my body had a sense of what was to come.\u00a0 I was sort of prepared\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013 and we only had the ceremony around 10pm with the full moon already up from behind the mountains.\u00a0 I felt calm and felt an acceptance of what the process might hold.\u00a0 The lapa was a safe circle and as I stepped forward to receive my dose of Ayahuasca from Victor the shaman, I held the cup in gratitude\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013not trepidation.\u00a0 I was relieved by the taste which I found quite palatable after all my expectations.\u00a0 I found I could hold it in my mouth and I swallowed slowly, then returned to my place to wait patiently for the Ayahuasca to work its magic and to take root in my system.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>The first phase was distinguished by glorious visions of what I saw in the sky.\u00a0 The full moon was graced with the most beautiful clouds and my visions started with seeing coloors\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013 pastels <\/em>\u2013\u00a0 in the radiance of the moon, lighting up the cloud formations, which were elaborate and lacy like icing on a huge cake.\u00a0 I felt myself fascinated and drawn to the changing perspective and movement of changing forms and colours and the clouds moving apart to reveal deep cosmic space beyond.\u00a0 After a while I became of aware of two lights (stars?) peeping through gaps in the clouds.\u00a0 And then these lights became like the shining from two eyes., and I had a wonderful sense of a loving presence beyond the clouds gazing down at us <\/em>\u2013 at me.\u00a0 I felt loved, protected, and very connected.\u00a0 During this phase, the other half of the sky was free of clouds but there were some stars, and I began to see lines linking them, beautiful shimmering lines which made geometrical shapes and symbols which seemed somehow familiar.\u00a0 It was all very exciting,visual,\u00a0 huge and I felt I was being given a gift of knowing.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>I don<\/em>\u2019t know how long I remained in the first phase, but I began to feel my body getting heavier and my thought was that I should pee before it got more difficult to move.\u00a0 I was finding it difficult to move, quite uncomfortable, unknown.\u00a0 I didn<\/em>\u2019t feel panic, but I needed to attract the attention of Adriana who came across to help me and we moved unsteadily to the entrance of the lapa. <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Here, I think the second phase started.\u00a0 I collapsed and sat in a literal heap\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013on the threshold! I found it almost impossible to move.\u00a0 I was melting into the sand, dissolving into the earth.\u00a0 I sensed Jacques and Adriana with me, urging me to be with them <\/em>\u2018Don<\/em>\u2019t go there\u2019<\/em> she said, urging me to breathe deeply and to look into her eyes. <\/em>\u2018Stay present!\u2019 I think I was slipping in and out of consciousness, really going somewhere profound.\u00a0 I was able to say that I needed to lie down, and they helped me back to my place and worked with me a bit.\u00a0 Jacques brought me some sweet tea <\/em>\u2013 honey water <\/em>\u2013 and I slipped into the third phase.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Lying pretty straight and very very still, from time to time I forced myself to open my eyes and gaze at the sky.\u00a0 The clouds had gone, and the sky was clear <\/em>\u2013 just the moon and many stars.\u00a0 And then I began to see the most amazing things.\u00a0 Grids of fine golden lines making shapes, recognisable symbols, huge and filling the sky.\u00a0 Egyptian, I thought, when I recognised a huge scarab beetle.\u00a0 Many signs, symbols and sacred geometries. During this time of\u00a0 lying <\/em>\u2018dead still\u2019, I had a sense of ego-lessness (I think) or death.\u00a0 Ayahuasca is known as the vine of death.\u00a0 I had welcomed it to do its work with me and now lay deeply aware that I was being worked on.\u00a0 I held my hands over my solar plexus, aware that the Vesica Piscis was right there under my hands, mid-way between the sacred feminine and masculine in my heart.\u00a0 Light in my heart.\u00a0 It felt comforting,\u00a0 and at some stage I also started holding my 15s<\/em>[1]<\/strong><\/sup><\/em><\/a> aware that there was a pulse there.\u00a0 Apparently, Victor had come and felt my pulse earlier before I got the tea.\u00a0 I was like this for a long time <\/em>\u2013 gazing at the heavens from time to time, keeping <\/em>\u2018myself<\/em>\u2019 \u00a0present, my consciousness in the present unfolding.\u00a0 And I kept seeing new things, insights, observing, hearing an inner voice speaking and identifying what was unfolding.\u00a0 I felt I was <\/em>\u2018back<\/em>\u2019. <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Key during this <\/em>\u2018death<\/em>\u2019 phase were the icaros\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013the songs and soundings throughout the ceremony.\u00a0 They became the linking thread which held me while my consciousness went on its wanderings.\u00a0 When I was very distant, I had heard what I thought was <\/em>\u2018Marilyn\u2019\u00a0 Mari-lin and was sure that it was a call to me, reaching to me back through the mists of where I had journeyed. I felt held and secure and grateful that I was <\/em>\u2018attached<\/em>\u2019.\u00a0 Adriana<\/em>\u2019s beautiful plaintive voice floated through to me too.\u00a0 I felt the combination and balance of their two energies.\u00a0 It was beautiful and very necessary for my process.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Then I think the final phase for me started when Victor did two rounds of the circle.\u00a0 The first time an extraordinary ritual with flower essences and the second time with tobacco smoke.\u00a0 This experience was very deep for me.\u00a0 It required me to sit upright to receive his work, which felt good to sit up and sense the circle and be aware of his moving from person to person.\u00a0 The first ritual was amazing and when he worked on my crown chakra I felt\/saw a clear vision.\u00a0 I sensed and <\/em>\u2018saw\u2019<\/em> the opening of my pineal gland.\u00a0 I <\/em>\u2018saw\u2019<\/em> with or in my third eye an exquisite and intricate design (Aztec?) a circular patterning, very detailed, in dark tones, quite sombre, but when Victor <\/em>\u2018blew\u2019<\/em> the flower essence over my crown chakra, the circular design was infused with a bright but small rose-pink light.\u00a0 There was rose in the centre with a golden ring around<\/em>[2]<\/strong><\/sup><\/em><\/a> it.\u00a0 Beautiful at the centre of the dark pattern \u2026 glowing and pulsing during the time Victor was present at my crown chakra.\u00a0 A different light pattern appeared with the 2nd <\/em>\u2018breath\u2019<\/em> he gave me.\u00a0 I felt <\/em>\u201cplease don<\/em>\u2019t stop\u2026!\u00a0 I want to see more of these wonders!\u201d\u00a0 and then the flower essence was blown into my palms,\u00a0 and held there while I lay back and again looked at the heavens, the stars and the wonders.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n The second time he came around, I sensed the ceremony might be drawing to a close.\u00a0 It was the tobacco.\u00a0 A similar working with the crown chakra and also down the back along the spine.\u00a0 I don<\/em>\u2019t recall visions.\u00a0 I remember holding my palms together and feeling the jumping of my body.\u00a0 Vibrations, a twitching, a sense that I was still definitely being worked on.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>I was back and more or less present by the time the ceremony was brought to its close, but very wobbly, dizzy.\u00a0 Knowing that my legs wouldn<\/em>\u2019t hold me, I squatted on the sand, head down <\/em>\u2013feeling the sand under my hands and looking at the patterns, the detail.\u00a0 I required quite a bit of help to get going and out of the lapa, and Victor said I should eat as my energy had been very very low.\u00a0 After litchis, Monica helped me to bed where the Ayahuasca continued to work..!<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Four other important points are recorded about my first ceremony with Ayahuasca:<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n I requested a smaller dose for the second ceremony the following night, feeling that I seem to receive the Ayahuasca so \u2018easily\u2019, openly.\u00a0 We were a slightly larger group in the circle, with several first timers.\u00a0 The moon was up but there were no clouds this time.\u00a0 It was probably around 10pm, and there was again the quiet anticipation.<\/p>\n I was the first of the group to receive the Ayahuasca and then lay back, waiting for the plant to take control.\u00a0 Welcoming it again to do what needed to be done.\u00a0 A certain apprehension… not sure that I wanted a repeat of the dissolution phase of the previous night \u2013\u00a0 not sure that I was \u2018strong\u2019 enough to stay connected to the earth plane?\u00a0 But Ayahuasca knows better \u2013 it is a wisdom plant after all.\u00a0 It is the teacher and this evening\u2019s experience was totally different.<\/p>\n There was a part where I felt I was dissolving over the edge again.\u00a0 But not so severe. I didn\u2019t feel the need to try and walk and knew again I could not have!\u00a0 It was already working at a very deep and profound level on my inner core!\u00a0 This time I had no visions comparable with the first time.\u00a0 I kept my eyes closed for the large part.\u00a0 Once or twice on opening them I saw low wispy clouds, lines\/waves coming. Flowing over me almost like a mist.\u00a0 Transparent, black outlined, smokey.\u00a0 Quite etheric.\u00a0 But mostly my eyes were closed, and the process was inwardly focused.<\/p>\n ‘I\u2019 was absorbed in where and how Ayahuasca was working in me \u2013 at a physical level.\u00a0 I was aware, intensely aware of my electrical circuitry.\u00a0 I felt I was being reprogrammed., rewired.\u00a0 The sensation was electrifying, and I was again vibrating.\u00a0 It felt like shock treatment, similar to holding electrodes during energy treatments.\u00a0 this lasted the whole session of 3-4 hours.\u00a0 I felt it moving again in my jaws thinking of the mercury in my teeth.\u00a0 And in my arms and hands particularly.\u00a0 I found it comforting some of the time to again hold my 15s feeling my pulses, keeping me grounded.<\/p>\n Several people were having quite difficult experiences nearby; one girl in particular was taken out of the circle by Jacques.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember seeing her re-enter, but later she was there again, quieter.\u00a0 Someone called Tanya had a tough one.\u00a0 She\u2019d confided to me prior to the ceremony that she was dealing with her husband\u2019s betrayal.\u00a0 She vomited a lot.\u00a0 I thought how I would have been, if I\u2019d been doing this even 6 months ago.\u00a0 I might have had intense emotions.\u00a0 But I was through that phase and moving onward and upwards.\u00a0 Again, I did not vomit although there were waves of nausea, and I tried a couple of times.\u00a0 It was more like belching, a gaseous \u2018emission\u2019,\u00a0 rather than any substance.\u00a0 I was the only person who didn\u2019t vomit and wondered if perhaps my blockages are at a still deeper level and may only emerge with more intense work at following ceremonies.<\/p>\n Having a lighter dose made me more present, and I was more involved in the rituals; my senses more attuned to the singing and sounds, with which again I resonated deeply.\u00a0 The calling of \u2018my\u2019 name seemed to have the same effect of holding the thread to me, connecting me with the earth, when I tended to go back to the place I\u2019d gone to the first time.\u00a0 It was a wonderfully reassuring feeling when I became conscious of Mari -lin<\/em> \u2013 a repetition of the phase that sounded like my name.\u00a0 Later I learnt that the chant was in fact Mari ri<\/em> and it meant strength.<\/p>\n I enjoyed the final phase waiting for the flower essence and work on our crown and spine chakras.\u00a0 But this time there were no visions or insights.\u00a0 I was too present in this reality of bringing the ceremony to its conclusion.\u00a0 The tobacco blowing part is about closure \u2013closing the process \u2013 blowing it down our spines and crowns helps to end the process.\u00a0 Of course, the Ayahuasca keeps working, as it did when we went to our beds at 4am and fell gently asleep.<\/p>\n My concluding notes on this ceremony<\/p>\n I felt gratitude for this 2nd ceremony – knowing deeply that in order to <\/em>\u2018hold the light<\/em>\u2019, this embodied spirit of mine, this vessel, has to be able to do so.\u00a0 To be of service this work needs to be done.\u00a0 I know Ayahuasca was engaged with that this time.\u00a0 I<\/em>\u2019d been shown the wonders of the Universe the first time <\/em>\u2013 the Communion <\/em>\u2013\u00a0 the oneness with Gaia as I melted into the sand.\u00a0 This time the lesson was about staying in the body, recognising my body.\u00a0 Spiritual experience needs to happen through the body\u00a0 <\/em>\u2013 they cannot be separated.\u00a0 Ayahuasca is teaching me this.\u00a0 For this I feel gratitude.\u00a0 I was also deeply aware of Gaia, and the need to be of service.\u00a0 The ways will be made known to me when the time is right.<\/em><\/p>\n These are my main memories of the 2nd ceremony.\u00a0 A peaceful night followed,and we woke to a beautiful morning at 9am.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n I had a telephone call from Ronald on my return and was able to tell him what my weekend had entailed.\u00a0 He was interested.\u00a0 He thought that when I returned to Thonon, I might find that there\u2019s no one with whom to share the sorts of things I had been exploring.\u00a0 This I also believed to be the case, hence I would be looking for a place in Leysin in the mountains, as suggested by Anneliese Cowley.<\/p>\n [1]<\/strong><\/sup><\/em><\/a> Jin Shin Jyutsu safety energy locks in the groin.<\/p>\n\n