In early 2005 I had my ninth or tenth visit to St Francis Health Centre, for my annual retreat and time with Annalies Cowley who had become my spiritual director and my physical and metaphysical mentor \u2013 a life coach in the real sense.\u00a0 My friend Beth was at an important threshold in her life and accompanied me.\u00a0 Retiring after a very active life with ILO in Geneva, it was important that this time was marked, and I had managed to get us onto a \u2018vision quest\u2019.\u00a0 As soon as we left St Francis, we joined a women\u2019s group for a six-day programme in the Cedarberg mountains, \u2018Women in the Wild\u2019 \u2013 perfect for such a transition.<\/p>\n
I need to share what emerged on the first evening, as we all sat among the rocks at sunset and voiced our intentions for our time together and alone.\u00a0 Mine was simply to be able to listen to the silence, which implied that I intended to spend much time on my own.\u00a0 Then we were asked to share our \u2018mountain name\u2019 with each other; the name by which we wished to be known during the week.\u00a0 I listened to the energies and spirits being invoked \u2013\u00a0 \u2018Plenty\u2019, \u2018Dharma\u2019, \u2018Sprite\u2019, \u2018Famelon\u2019, \u2018Eagle \u2019…\u00a0 and then it was my turn,<\/p>\n
\u2018Tone\u2019 \u00a0leapt from my mouth, from somewhere unexpected but very clear.\u00a0 So, \u2018Tone\u2019 I became, and I settled easily into my new (old?) identity.\u00a0 I tried it on.\u00a0 It felt good.\u00a0 Tone.<\/p>\n
Mid-point in these wild days was our solo quest.\u00a0 We had each taken a direction and set off from base camp alone.\u00a0 I had\u00a0 chosen to go north, straight towards a rocky hill with a stream to cross before the vertical climb.\u00a0 Totally challenging!\u00a0 TONE, clearly the warrior in me, had selected the challenge with my rucksack heavy and poles digging through the thick undergrowth.\u00a0 I could hear the stream but couldn\u2019t see it, my poles seeking firm rocks to place my boots on.\u00a0 I made my way across; the second attempt successful, having moved upstream to find a route.\u00a0 On arrival\u00a0 I looked up at the rock face.\u00a0 I had been focused on the crossing and now found the actual obstacle in front of me rather steep with huge boulders which I would need to scale.<\/p>\n
I started the climb, aware that I needed to find a place to sleep before the sun went down.\u00a0 There was a slight urgency and the climbing was slow, and I found my centre of gravity shifting with my rucksack as I swung myself sideways and then up, scanning the rocks above me for a possible shelter.\u00a0 And then I heard a pop and thud, and saw that my green plastic water flask had popped out of the netting pocket on the side of the rucksack and had fallen several meters below me.\u00a0 It was nestling on a little grassy ledge \u2013 the only little patch of grass around among the boulders.\u00a0 Oh thank you! Thank you! It had not fallen or rolled into an impossible gap between the rocks.\u00a0 Oh thank you for this mercy.<\/p>\n
So, I removed my rucksack and made my way gingerly down to retrieve my precious one litre supply of water, which was to last me till my return to base the next day.\u00a0 The sun was now sinking behind the rocks, behind me.<\/p>\n
I looked around and up, aware that I had been \u2018stopped\u2019\u2018 in my climb.\u00a0 Why? Leaning back, I was clearly to \u2018look around in awareness\u2018, and sure enough there it was.\u00a0 I could make out a fairly level ledge higher up where I could possibly find a secure place for the night.\u00a0 And so I climbed slowly upwards in the early stages of a glorious sunset, and found the entrance to my rock shelter.<\/p>\n
Asking permission, I parted the bushes and found a reasonably flat area where I could roll out my groundsheet and prepare for the night.\u00a0 And then suddenly, without warning, she was there!\u00a0 The moon.\u00a0 Larger and fuller than I have ever seen her, she suddenly appeared from behind the silhouette of rocks on the ridge of the plateau where I was perched. It was stunning.\u00a0 It was chokingly awesome.\u00a0 How exquisite!\u00a0 How hugely and poignantly present and how luminous it was around me!\u00a0 I could see everywhere.<\/p>\n
I positioned a small citronelle candle on a little rock shelf like a small altar, but could not find my matches.\u00a0 I nibbled my snacks, drank some water and lay back to observe this celestial masterpiece in her majesty, feeling her radiating her light lovingly into my very being.\u00a0 And then they arrived!<\/p>\n
Like a veil, a cloak, the air around me suddenly darkened, as a battalion of mosquitos arrived. All around me.\u00a0 I was enveloped, surrounded, trapped.\u00a0 The sound was deafening as it ricoch\u00e9d off the surrounding rock surfaces enfolding me in this reverberating acoustic chamber.\u00a0 I threw my well-worn kikoi over my head and face, trying to keep the cloth away from my skin surface so that they would not get a perch and pierce through to me.\u00a0 And I breathed slowly.\u00a0 Exhaled and waited \u2013 and listened.<\/p>\n
I could still see the moon through the flimsy material and hear the extraordinary sounds these minute little beings were making.\u00a0 I settled into the listening, deeply, breathing consciously.\u00a0 Slowly, I became aware of the differences in their soundings.\u00a0 They were not all making the same irritating, sleep-destroying, whine.\u00a0 Not at all.\u00a0 There was a subtlety in this, a finesse.\u00a0 The battalion was more like an orchestra, and I began to hear different pitches and instruments as they dipped and dived around my head, my face, my ears.<\/p>\n
I heard different frequencies and began to listen carefully for harmonies, and I heard them!\u00a0 Beautiful.\u00a0 There were even pauses, silences, before a single \u2018instrument\u2019 came in for its solo melody to be joined by a chorus.\u00a0 Then the full orchestra resounded and filled the stone auditorium in a grand finale as I listened, awed and humbled.\u00a0 And then, suddenly the symphony was over and there was total silence. They were gone!<\/p>\n
I was left pondering this miracle and the gifts I had been given.\u00a0 My heart felt as though it was bursting as I tried to settle into sleep.<\/p>\n
I slept lightly this night \u2013 the moon, the music, the emotions \u2013 but also conscious that my sleeping bag was slipping on my groundsheet down towards the thorn bush, which felt like the only thing stopping me from sliding over the edge.\u00a0 So, I woke early to the lilac gold of the dawn after very little sleep.<\/p>\n
Packing up my \u2018camp\u2019, removing any trace of my overnight footprint and carefully returning everything to my rucksack,\u00a0 I noticed that my candle was not there.\u00a0 The little stone shelf, where I\u2019d placed it near my head,\u00a0 was empty. My candle had disappeared!<\/p>\n
Well, well….\u00a0\u00a0 I was getting a further sense of magic and miracles and mountain energies.<\/p>\n
On return to base, we each wrote a koan about our solo time.\u00a0 I wrote the following:<\/p>\n
HIGH ROCK WOMB, A SHRINE WITHIN<\/em><\/p>\n CANDLE UNLIT STANDS<\/em><\/p>\n OFFERED, TAKEN, BY GODDESS<\/em><\/p>\n Tone\u2019s experiences over these twenty-four hours during the full moon on the mountain \u2013 with guidance before, a symphony during and messages after \u2013\u00a0 left me feeling deeply connected with the unseen realms.<\/p>\n It was as if through Tone, as a newly discovered part of myself, I could have access to areas not controlled by my rational mind or ego.\u00a0 I could enter the fertile field of the non-rational.\u00a0 Through Tone, I could open up;\u00a0 in fact, I was being opened up and made more receptive.<\/p>\n There was so much more to come!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A powerful vision quest experience with women in the wild…in the Cederberg mountains in 2005. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":382,"template":"","categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-381","episode_posts","type-episode_posts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-part-2-music-and-my-soul"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/episode_posts\/381","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/episode_posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/episode_posts"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mylisteningheart.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}