Wisdom Plants and Other Teachers
A week after my 57th birthday I went to an introduction on Ayahuasca and wisdom plant ceremonies, and the presentation by Jacques left me feeling comfortable knowing that two weeks later I would be embarking on my own journey. Before the ceremonies we met Victor, the shaman from Peru and his wife Adriana, an anthropologist. The ritual requires abstinence from alcohol, meat and sex for 24 hours before the ceremony. I prepared by fasting for two days and drinking only water.
It was around 40 degrees in the shade offered by a few trees when Monica and I arrived at Gecho Creek. Later, sitting outside our tent, looking out over some lilac silhouetted mountains as the sun began to set, I wrote in my journal as I reflected on how I had arrived at this point. The twelve people who were taking part were similarly pensive, each in their own thoughts and silent.
Sitting here now thinking about the prospect of sipping from the cup – in a couple of hours. I am apprehensive of course – I know all will be heightened, my emotions intensified. I trust that my FEAR will remain suppressed – that I will face it and come through it. Perhaps the most difficult time will be taking the cup to my lips. But after hearing last night of the Spirit of Ayahuasca, I feel as if I’m on the threshold of something important – the plant kingdom, which I had taken for granted for so long – and now I had the possibility to connect, for re-union. Perhaps, if I put my intention into words, I believe I’m seeking a sense of union, communion, and this is the Unity consciousness which recent channels and activations have been leading us to better understand. I wish to translate this from the intellectual level to the level of my experience.
I also noted: ‘there is a wolf here and I find myself a bit nervous of him – staring into his eyes is not allowed, and yet that’s how I felt the ‘oneness’ ’ with the tortoise …. there’s so much I don’t know …’ Returning to the night ahead of me, I wrote a prayer as follows:
May the Light of my Soul guide me this evening. May I be able to surrender to Divine will, which I believe has brought me to this point… Thy will, not my will. Of course, my ego has played its part, acting on the initiative. But the inner guidance has been clear. Looking out at this wondrous creation, at Gaia’s mountains with the wind building up in the trees – I can only wonder at what got me here – these past few months… I will take a shower and freshen up and then sit quietly. We will have the moon still almost full, rising over our ceremony. I look up and see a single star above me.
I know the Will of God will not take me to where the Love of God cannot hold me. I graciously reflect your light oh God. I am Light. And tonight, I will take steps to meeting my Self – my authentic Self – May we recognise each other.
Blessings on this first Ceremony!
***
Sitting in the sunset on the Saturday I realised it had taken me a full 24 hours to process, integrate and absorb my experience of the night before. What follows is taken directly from my journal, as I am writing these lines almost 7 years later, memories have blurred into partial memories of other experiences and I am no longer sure of precise details about … anything. The main elements, however, were recorded as follows.
I believe my body had a sense of what was to come. I was sort of prepared – and we only had the ceremony around 10pm with the full moon already up from behind the mountains. I felt calm and felt an acceptance of what the process might hold. The lapa was a safe circle and as I stepped forward to receive my dose of Ayahuasca from Victor the shaman, I held the cup in gratitude –not trepidation. I was relieved by the taste which I found quite palatable after all my expectations. I found I could hold it in my mouth and I swallowed slowly, then returned to my place to wait patiently for the Ayahuasca to work its magic and to take root in my system.
The first phase was distinguished by glorious visions of what I saw in the sky. The full moon was graced with the most beautiful clouds and my visions started with seeing coloors – pastels – in the radiance of the moon, lighting up the cloud formations, which were elaborate and lacy like icing on a huge cake. I felt myself fascinated and drawn to the changing perspective and movement of changing forms and colours and the clouds moving apart to reveal deep cosmic space beyond. After a while I became of aware of two lights (stars?) peeping through gaps in the clouds. And then these lights became like the shining from two eyes., and I had a wonderful sense of a loving presence beyond the clouds gazing down at us – at me. I felt loved, protected, and very connected. During this phase, the other half of the sky was free of clouds but there were some stars, and I began to see lines linking them, beautiful shimmering lines which made geometrical shapes and symbols which seemed somehow familiar. It was all very exciting,visual, huge and I felt I was being given a gift of knowing.
I don’t know how long I remained in the first phase, but I began to feel my body getting heavier and my thought was that I should pee before it got more difficult to move. I was finding it difficult to move, quite uncomfortable, unknown. I didn’t feel panic, but I needed to attract the attention of Adriana who came across to help me and we moved unsteadily to the entrance of the lapa.
Here, I think the second phase started. I collapsed and sat in a literal heap –on the threshold! I found it almost impossible to move. I was melting into the sand, dissolving into the earth. I sensed Jacques and Adriana with me, urging me to be with them ‘Don’t go there’ she said, urging me to breathe deeply and to look into her eyes. ‘Stay present!’ I think I was slipping in and out of consciousness, really going somewhere profound. I was able to say that I needed to lie down, and they helped me back to my place and worked with me a bit. Jacques brought me some sweet tea – honey water – and I slipped into the third phase.
Lying pretty straight and very very still, from time to time I forced myself to open my eyes and gaze at the sky. The clouds had gone, and the sky was clear – just the moon and many stars. And then I began to see the most amazing things. Grids of fine golden lines making shapes, recognisable symbols, huge and filling the sky. Egyptian, I thought, when I recognised a huge scarab beetle. Many signs, symbols and sacred geometries. During this time of lying ‘dead still’, I had a sense of ego-lessness (I think) or death. Ayahuasca is known as the vine of death. I had welcomed it to do its work with me and now lay deeply aware that I was being worked on. I held my hands over my solar plexus, aware that the Vesica Piscis was right there under my hands, mid-way between the sacred feminine and masculine in my heart. Light in my heart. It felt comforting, and at some stage I also started holding my 15s[1] aware that there was a pulse there. Apparently, Victor had come and felt my pulse earlier before I got the tea. I was like this for a long time – gazing at the heavens from time to time, keeping ‘myself’ present, my consciousness in the present unfolding. And I kept seeing new things, insights, observing, hearing an inner voice speaking and identifying what was unfolding. I felt I was ‘back’.
Key during this ‘death’ phase were the icaros –the songs and soundings throughout the ceremony. They became the linking thread which held me while my consciousness went on its wanderings. When I was very distant, I had heard what I thought was ‘Marilyn’ Mari-lin and was sure that it was a call to me, reaching to me back through the mists of where I had journeyed. I felt held and secure and grateful that I was ‘attached’. Adriana’s beautiful plaintive voice floated through to me too. I felt the combination and balance of their two energies. It was beautiful and very necessary for my process.
Then I think the final phase for me started when Victor did two rounds of the circle. The first time an extraordinary ritual with flower essences and the second time with tobacco smoke. This experience was very deep for me. It required me to sit upright to receive his work, which felt good to sit up and sense the circle and be aware of his moving from person to person. The first ritual was amazing and when he worked on my crown chakra I felt/saw a clear vision. I sensed and ‘saw’ the opening of my pineal gland. I ‘saw’ with or in my third eye an exquisite and intricate design (Aztec?) a circular patterning, very detailed, in dark tones, quite sombre, but when Victor ‘blew’ the flower essence over my crown chakra, the circular design was infused with a bright but small rose-pink light. There was rose in the centre with a golden ring around[2] it. Beautiful at the centre of the dark pattern … glowing and pulsing during the time Victor was present at my crown chakra. A different light pattern appeared with the 2nd ‘breath’ he gave me. I felt “please don’t stop…! I want to see more of these wonders!” and then the flower essence was blown into my palms, and held there while I lay back and again looked at the heavens, the stars and the wonders.
The second time he came around, I sensed the ceremony might be drawing to a close. It was the tobacco. A similar working with the crown chakra and also down the back along the spine. I don’t recall visions. I remember holding my palms together and feeling the jumping of my body. Vibrations, a twitching, a sense that I was still definitely being worked on.
I was back and more or less present by the time the ceremony was brought to its close, but very wobbly, dizzy. Knowing that my legs wouldn’t hold me, I squatted on the sand, head down –feeling the sand under my hands and looking at the patterns, the detail. I required quite a bit of help to get going and out of the lapa, and Victor said I should eat as my energy had been very very low. After litchis, Monica helped me to bed where the Ayahuasca continued to work..!
Four other important points are recorded about my first ceremony with Ayahuasca:
- Ayahuasca continued to work deeply on me for some time. Victor said my deep fasting had meant I was a pure channel and more receptive.
- I didn’t vomit (which is expected during the ceremony, as part of the clearing process).
- At a certain stage I was ‘seeing’ what other people were experiencing. Someone beside me had green clay beads on his forehead. I ‘saw’ this and thought the word ‘toxins’ just before he vomited. Jacques had gold ‘beads’ on his brow and also a gold headdress.
- The huge visions I was shown in the heavens were Indian, Egyptian and Mayan/Aztec wisdom symbols, some of which were unknown to me but which I later recognised.
***
I requested a smaller dose for the second ceremony the following night, feeling that I seem to receive the Ayahuasca so ‘easily’, openly. We were a slightly larger group in the circle, with several first timers. The moon was up but there were no clouds this time. It was probably around 10pm, and there was again the quiet anticipation.
I was the first of the group to receive the Ayahuasca and then lay back, waiting for the plant to take control. Welcoming it again to do what needed to be done. A certain apprehension… not sure that I wanted a repeat of the dissolution phase of the previous night – not sure that I was ‘strong’ enough to stay connected to the earth plane? But Ayahuasca knows better – it is a wisdom plant after all. It is the teacher and this evening’s experience was totally different.
There was a part where I felt I was dissolving over the edge again. But not so severe. I didn’t feel the need to try and walk and knew again I could not have! It was already working at a very deep and profound level on my inner core! This time I had no visions comparable with the first time. I kept my eyes closed for the large part. Once or twice on opening them I saw low wispy clouds, lines/waves coming. Flowing over me almost like a mist. Transparent, black outlined, smokey. Quite etheric. But mostly my eyes were closed, and the process was inwardly focused.
‘I’ was absorbed in where and how Ayahuasca was working in me – at a physical level. I was aware, intensely aware of my electrical circuitry. I felt I was being reprogrammed., rewired. The sensation was electrifying, and I was again vibrating. It felt like shock treatment, similar to holding electrodes during energy treatments. this lasted the whole session of 3-4 hours. I felt it moving again in my jaws thinking of the mercury in my teeth. And in my arms and hands particularly. I found it comforting some of the time to again hold my 15s feeling my pulses, keeping me grounded.
Several people were having quite difficult experiences nearby; one girl in particular was taken out of the circle by Jacques. I don’t remember seeing her re-enter, but later she was there again, quieter. Someone called Tanya had a tough one. She’d confided to me prior to the ceremony that she was dealing with her husband’s betrayal. She vomited a lot. I thought how I would have been, if I’d been doing this even 6 months ago. I might have had intense emotions. But I was through that phase and moving onward and upwards. Again, I did not vomit although there were waves of nausea, and I tried a couple of times. It was more like belching, a gaseous ‘emission’, rather than any substance. I was the only person who didn’t vomit and wondered if perhaps my blockages are at a still deeper level and may only emerge with more intense work at following ceremonies.
Having a lighter dose made me more present, and I was more involved in the rituals; my senses more attuned to the singing and sounds, with which again I resonated deeply. The calling of ‘my’ name seemed to have the same effect of holding the thread to me, connecting me with the earth, when I tended to go back to the place I’d gone to the first time. It was a wonderfully reassuring feeling when I became conscious of Mari -lin – a repetition of the phase that sounded like my name. Later I learnt that the chant was in fact Mari ri and it meant strength.
I enjoyed the final phase waiting for the flower essence and work on our crown and spine chakras. But this time there were no visions or insights. I was too present in this reality of bringing the ceremony to its conclusion. The tobacco blowing part is about closure –closing the process – blowing it down our spines and crowns helps to end the process. Of course, the Ayahuasca keeps working, as it did when we went to our beds at 4am and fell gently asleep.
My concluding notes on this ceremony
I felt gratitude for this 2nd ceremony – knowing deeply that in order to ‘hold the light’, this embodied spirit of mine, this vessel, has to be able to do so. To be of service this work needs to be done. I know Ayahuasca was engaged with that this time. I’d been shown the wonders of the Universe the first time – the Communion – the oneness with Gaia as I melted into the sand. This time the lesson was about staying in the body, recognising my body. Spiritual experience needs to happen through the body – they cannot be separated. Ayahuasca is teaching me this. For this I feel gratitude. I was also deeply aware of Gaia, and the need to be of service. The ways will be made known to me when the time is right.
These are my main memories of the 2nd ceremony. A peaceful night followed,and we woke to a beautiful morning at 9am.
***
I had a telephone call from Ronald on my return and was able to tell him what my weekend had entailed. He was interested. He thought that when I returned to Thonon, I might find that there’s no one with whom to share the sorts of things I had been exploring. This I also believed to be the case, hence I would be looking for a place in Leysin in the mountains, as suggested by Anneliese Cowley.
[1] Jin Shin Jyutsu safety energy locks in the groin.
[2] Looked like the Watermelon Tourmaline crystal, which is aligned with Metatron.